Deja Vu

I really can say relationships are hard. Especially when you're with someone to smart for their own good. She is meticulous and paradoxically she is so easy yet so hard to please. It's amazing how one day we can have awesome conversations, for hours on end, then others we can't talk for more than five, ten minutes. We irritate the shit of each other, but I really love her. I know I can tell her anything (well basically everything) and we can talk about it. She always keeps her word and she is willing to do so much for me. Which leads to me feeling like an incompetent and foolish girl. I feel like I let her and myself down way too often. I can never seem to say the right things or just let something go, she has let go of so much more. I manage to make it about me, all the time. It's like deja vu. I am never the good spouse. I always am the selfish one. People are always asking the other one, "why the fuck are you with her?" It's just slightly embarrassing. I want to be better but I'm so good at being in it for myself. It's hard to change. I love her, like real love. I just wish I was better at showing it. At least she knows it.

Probably the one thing I love most about her is that she doesn't want to make me feel bad. She just wants to me to get better. She never tried to make me feel bad about stuff. I love her for it.